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I love booze. Love it. As the great philosopher H.Simpson once said, it’s the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems. However, booze should either be in a pint glass (if you’re a man) or a wine glass (if you’re a women). Bottled booze is left to the drunken slags with gaffa taps skirts, spark out on the pavement with vomit in their hair and a condom lodged between their teeth. So why, oh why oh why are they advertising WKD to blokes? There are millions of those stupid ‘blokes-will-be-blokes’ WKD adverts that play out some ridiculous act of blokey manliness. Except their not manly. AT ALL. This one is the worst of the lot.
Awwhuwwhuww! Wer liok so cool innit? Look at vose sleeeeegs wormin up? Pwopa muppits. Wev got the vans heeting on! How fuukin evil are we!??
Oh how subversive of you! You really are breaking all the rules aren’t you? I bet you leave the toilet seat up too? You’re such a rebellious geezer. What are you up to tonight? Going for a pint AND a curry? Slow down Ashley! You’re crazy! I can’t keep up with your million-mile-a-minute-complete-disregard-for-established-cultural-norms lifestyle. You’re baaaaad. Real bad.
Fuck off. This sanitised blokyness is so far away from what actually happens that the advert becomes completely unrecognisable, hence meaningless. Where are the guys gang-banging a page 3 model? Tattooing the word ‘TWAT’ across their drunken mates forehead? Pissing in their mates pint when their not looking? These things clearly can’t be put in a TV ad, but diluting these cultural norms to such an extent creates a falsity which is just laughable. Trying to market blue WKD (or alcopops in general) to blokes is a commendable (yet futile) fiscal strategy as they are trying to get more people to drink it, fine. But to try and make it ‘blokey’ by showing these piss-poor, limp-wristed attempts at ‘high-jinx’ simply don’t work. Back to the drawing then Mr. Ad Man, but not before a quick cigarette in the toilets. Oh you are SOOO bad….
