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Now, given the fact that I can tilt my head back to look at the ceiling, I don’t get confused by L-shaped sofas, and I have near perfect control of my bowels*, I have no desire to go on a cruise. But, if I did want to spend 4 months walking round in circles, talking shit to people who I would normally cross the road if I saw them coming and plucking out my own pubes through boredom, then I certainly would NOT go with Royal Caribbean Cruises, given their advert:
I’m sure they are a reputable cruise company, but this advert looks like some snot-faced 10-year old kid rustled this together using Windows Paint and a Fisher Price My-First-Video-Editing-Suite. The CGI is fucking terrible. I’m sure with the amount of money they spent on making this humping piece of badger-snot they could have given a camera to a staff member, told them to shoot the odd floosy sloshing around in the pool, some bloke climbing a 4 foot wall, and a fat bloke spitting out a salty brine while spread eagled on his back. That would have looked A LOT better than what is currently on offer. The CGI is crap, the music sounds like it was bashed out on a 1980s mini Casio 3-octave keyboard and the bloke who does the voice over sounds like he’s got a gun held to his head and told to sound sincere, or his wife and kids will be delivered to him in a collection of brown paper bags.
Unless of course, cruises aren’t ANYTHING LIKE what they’re showing in the advert. Maybe they’ve CGIed in good-looking people having lots of fun because these things just don’t exist on any cruise anywhere in the world ever. Maybe cruises are so fucking boring that any ‘real’ footage would make people immediately set themselves on fire. Nah, that can’t be it, can it? Ad men never do that sort of thing.
* I say near perfect as the odd dangle-berry has been known to escape when I blast out a supertrump…
