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Why is that there seem to be only a few brands that keep cropping up on my “fill-me-with-so-much-rage-that-I-punch-kittens-to-death” radar. Have you seen T-Mobile’s latest crackpot piece of filth?
T-mobile seem to think that bringing in ‘normal people’, getting them to laugh uncontrollably at really stupid things like their on ecstasy and relating it to some sort of ‘flashmob’ mentality is a good type of advertising. Well, it’s not. Particularly if it’s done as badly as this. The kind of diabetes-inducing, syrupy dogma is, I assume, supposed to imbue us with some sort of warm fuzzy feeling with which we can identify. The only ‘warm fuzzy’ feeling I when I watch this ridiculous faux-reality shite is the one in my pants as I shit bricks.
As the great MC Hammer once, said, “let’s break it down”. T-mobile have struck a deal with Blockbuster or some other dying company that is still living in the fucking stone age by renting DVDs (you have approximately 0.4 weeks before your business model falls foul of that upstart thing called the Internet), which is a stupid idea from the outset. But, in order to try and flog this as a good idea (which it is not), they decide that they’re going to try to describe the different genres of film by handing out props and costumes. They may have well as handed out anthrax packets. That bloke who’s “into” sci-fi, seriously, if I ever met him in the street, I’d strip him naked, nail his tongue to the exhaust pipe of my car and drive him across a field of broken glass. The jokey, pretentious ways in which these people have been told to behave is a shameful attempt at head-fuckery. I want them ALL to die, especially the dog.
Mobile phone adverts. Fucking annoying aren’t they? First of all, they always have plinky plonky music, which will at some point in the future be a song by some ‘singer-song writer’ (or tree-hugging wankers as they are sometimes known) and then have some sort of strapline like “we’re better, connected” or “touch each other” or “why the fuck aren’t you on your mobile!?”
Let’s take for example that advert for T-Mobile with all those stage school rejects poncing around on the Liverpool Street Station concourse. Watch it below, although if you’re a diabetic, perhaps you shouldn’t.
So, apparently ‘Life’s for Sharing”, which is another one of those incredibly annoying statements that doesn’t mean anything. This advert typifies everything that is wrong with modern advertising. By doing something ‘different’ or a visual stunt (which is rhyming slang for the guy who made this piece of vomit-inducing tripe), the adman thinks that that is enough to sell their product, or in this case, their brand. By associating something ‘creative’ or ‘cool’ with their name, and then labeling it with a generic nihilistic tag line, they are trying to lead us to believe that by association that if I buy their product, ipso facto, we’ll be that cool too. Did you fall for it? Did you rush out and change your service provider to T-Mobile? I certainly hope not. The majority of us will base our decision on the cost of the tariff, or if you are more materially inclined then which handset is being offered with it. Not by how many fucking dancers they can pack a London station with.
So, please Mr. Adman, treat consumers with a little bit of respect and tell us the information that we want to know (i.e. price, how many minutes & texts we’ll get) and don’t try and manipulate our behaviour with convert narratives of behavioural inclination. Or the next time you’re trying to get to your train on time, we will all line up in your way and perform the fucking Macarena and see how you like it.
