You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘loan sharks’ category.
There was a time when I got excited upon hearing that pawn brokers were advertising on day time telly, but then I realised that my spelling was always shit. But that’s not to say that I didn’t know how pawn brokers worked. You give some toothless, bald scumbag your priceless Mickey Mouse watch for £10, you spend that on fake crack, beat up some hapless granny for £12, go back to the pawn shop, buy back your watch and the cycle starts all over again. So it’s a good thing that borro.com have showed up. Watch their brilliantly crafted piece of award-winning acting here. SOoooOOO, instead of pawing stuff via a dodgy back alley in Scunthorpe, you can do it online! Wow, that’s makes me feel better. But the really downright retarded bit of this advert, is that they are advertising the fact that they give you more money for your shitty gold chain that anyone else. Well ok, but YOU’LL SUBSEQUENTLY HAVE TO PAY MORE. This seems perfectly obvious – a perfectly obviously scam. Don’t be fooled, please. Find another way to get your money.
Except, EXCEPT from those wonga.com or quickcash things or whatever – 2689% APR!???? WTF!??? They’re like super-charged loan-megalodons that transform into nuclear warheads ready to insert themselves into your digestive system via the exit. How can anyone seriously consider loaning money at this rate? How bad do things have to be!? Go and live with your parents, sell all your crap that you never use on ebay, suck off a goat – do something other than use these people! And if you need any more reasons not to – then their advert should seal the deal:
I know, I know, it’s like someone ran over a Sunday school leader with a golf buggy and then genetically spliced the remains with a gerbil. This guy clearly lost a bet. I assume the point is to be tongue-in-cheek, but the only result is the tens of people who actually watch this fish shit squeezing the bridge of their noise between their finger and thumb, exhaling a lung-full of air, furrowing their brow, shaking their heads, wondering where the world went so wrong. But try to ignore the bafflingly stupid images and concentrate on the small print. It makes for some disturbing reading. Anyone who thinks that this is a good idea needs a full frontal lobotomy. And then fed the remains. And a swift kick in the cunt. And then to be set on fire. And then put out with an axe. And then, well you get the idea.
