Advertising slogans. Why do companies think they need them? Do they think that we’ll remember them more? And putting them to stupid jingles as well!?? Stop it! Now! Here are some of the truly despicable and downright shit ones….
1. McDonalds – ‘I’m Lovin’ it’. Loving what? Stuffing your face with a years supply of salt in one go, with enough saturated fats to bring down Godzilla? Yeah, I fucking love doing that I do.
2. Red Bull – ‘Gives you wings’. No, it gives you epilepsy.
3. Argos – ‘Don’t shop for it, Argos it’. You mean, don’t bother going down to a normal shop and buying something that you can touch before hand. Instead, why don’t you find something out of a shitty catalogue, do the stock check yourself, go to one till, then to another, wait for fucking ages with toothless teenagers and ranting geriatrics and get something that falls apart in 5 minutes. Yeah, I’ll do that. See Michael McIntyre’s take on them – brilliant.
4. Vodafone – ‘Make the most of now’. Translates as “don’t bother using any common sense, just do it NOW! Fuck the consequences, spend money NOW! Get on your phone NOW!!”
5. Moet Champagne – ‘Be Fabulous’. Drink our champagne and feel like a celebrity! You’ll look ever so sexy and cool and guys will luuurve you. And then take advantage of you. Then do you like a tramp in the back alley.
6. Tesco – ‘Every little helps’. That’s right, keep spending your money at our stores. Every little pound you spend takes us closer to world domination. MWAHAHAHAAAA! (Time Trumpet’s take on this is superb).
7. Ninetendo DS – ‘Touching is Good‘. Er… are you sure…..?
8. Stella Artois – ‘Reassuringly expensive’ – Bollocks. I saw 6 bottles for £1 for sale down CostMart.
9. Always – ‘Have a happy period’. Seriously? The second biggest oxymoron is history. The first is ‘The Best of Boy George’.
10. The worst one ever: Zurich – ‘Because change happenz‘. I don’t even know where to begin with this one. Forget the crappy z at the end which is the most puerile and pathetic attempt at association and belongs in the exercise book of a 7-year-old’s ‘my first branding’ project; but ‘change happens’?? Are you shitting me? What else is it going to do? Everything ‘happens’ doesn’t it? They might of well just said ‘nothing is nothing’, or ‘do do do, da da da’ or some other tautology of equal nonsense. Whoever thought of that line was either high as a Dutch bellringer or as stupid as Forest Gump and Paris Hilton’s love child.
Any others which I’ve missed which also deserve to be ousted?